Sunday, April 6, 2014

The True Origin of the Goodman Brothers Revealed Here to be Hare!!! A Shocking Easter Miracle!!!


Would it surprise you to learn that much of the information previously known about The Jazzmanian Devils has been found to be false?  

For over 30 years, the good people of Vancouver have known Lester B. Goodman, Broadway Sol, Manny Goodman, Herschel H. Goodman, Sammy Goodman, Max Goodman, and Buddy LovePower Goodman  as THE JAZZMANIAN DEVILS. 

We have thought of them as a bunch of good Jewish boys, legend has it they are sons of the same mother, brought up in the time honored show business tradition of imitation as art, knowing full well that imitation is not only the most sincere form of flattery, but that flattery gets you everywhere.  This was the plan.

Flattery gets you on the guest list, flattery is a great conversation starter, flattery is responsible for the arcane practice of buying rounds of free drinks for the band, and flattery is also the cause of the Jazzmanian Devils slide  into alcoholism and depravity, and reason for their subsequent "hiatus" status for so many years.

This much we know to be true.  What we have learned today will shock and amaze you.

The miracle of Les Goodman’s ageless “good hair” is not a result of a secret deal with the Devil. 

The ritual sacrificing of many a good note in exchange for their relatively regional success was not pre-ordained by God or Rabbi. 

We have discovered there is a more scientific and genetic answer to this conundrum than previously thought.  

Legend had it that a Rabbi named Shecky (we should have been suspicious of that alone) delivered to Lester B. Goodman a Golden Tablet, which contained "the charts", the first Real Book of Jazz, including a secret compendium of rules for faking not only jazz, but orgasms and other useful show business tricks, such as “pulling the wool over the eyes of the audience”, “the  Secret to a successful New Year’s Eve countdown” (i.e. do not start on the 1), "how to imitate television in a live context", "the value of Merchandise over Music" and "singing in one key is not harmolodics, it is just bad singing".

We have learned today that it was not a rabbi that Lester B. Goodman made a deal with. 

It was a rabbi(t).  

Notice the trickery here.  Somewhere in the translation from ancient Aramaic to Canadian, the "t" became silent.  This "T" was not only silent, but deadly.  The Goodmen drank the T, they drank the KooAid and they drank everything else that was put in front of them.  

I’m not going to sugarcoat this kids, but Les Goodman made a deal with a Rabbit, and the Goodman brothers descended from a race of Rabbit-like humans.

The good hair that Les is so famous for is none other than that - good hare!  

Buddy LovePower is actually Bunny LovePower.   

Hershel H. does not stand for "highway" but Hare.  Herschel Hare Goodman.  

Does  it surpise you to learn that Moishe Goodman was originally known as Mopsy?

Did you know the lack of Hair on the head of Manny Goodman is not because he gets it cut that way, but because he is "cut that way".   It doesn't take a mohel to know the rabbit ears sprouting from his head had to be cut again and again so as not to reveal the true nature of his Lapin-like identity.

Do you know that Sammy Goodman had an encounter with a farmer known as Mr. MacGregor, Mr. Mac Gregor Robertson!!??!!   

I can see your ears have perked up with my revelations.    The Master of Space and Time reveals the existence of the Rabbit theory (also known as the Theory of Relativity) as it explains the relatively endless array of Goodman relatives.  No woman could ever have had so many different looking offspring without having a Rabbit nature.  

We understand the Jazzmanian Devils are playing a sock hop on April 18 at LanaLou's.  
We do not think this a Bait and Switch.  But it may be another Carrot and the Stick story. 

If you look close at the drummer Max Goodman, you will see that the "sticks" he is using to drum with are not actually "sticks", but carrots.   

You may also notice that the martini in Les Goodman's hand has an orange tinge.  Vodka and Carrot Juice!      

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